Scripture commands husbands to selflessly love their wives, and wives to respect their husbands. It's not difficult to see how, in a perfect world in which these commandments were never broken, marriages would be peaceful, uplifting relationships. But we don't live in a perfect world. If you and your spouse have a difference of opinion, try approaching conflict with one or more of these guidelines in mind:

1. Stick to the Problem at Hand
Instead of bringing up past wrongs with comments such as, "You always," and "You never.," focus on the current conflict. Putting your spouse on the defensive is never a good idea when you are trying to reach an agreement.

2. Get on the Same Side of the Fence
Instead of approaching an issue "my way" or "your way," work toward a solution that represents "our way."

3. Try to Identify the Core Issue
Conflict often results from a series of events or issues that can disguise the real problem. Look at the attitudes or beliefs that motivate your behavior and opinions for clues as to what the core issue is in any conflict.

4. Don’t Be a Mind Reader
Don't try to analyze your spouse's thoughts or motives; instead, ask direct questions about his or her behavior. Likewise, don't expect your spouse to know or guess what you are thinking. Talk openly about your beliefs and expectations.

5. Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Your Anger
Settling disputes is never fun; it takes hard work and a mutual commitment to problem solving. It can also take time. If you haven't reached an agreement by bedtime, put the matter aside with the understanding that you will resume discussion the next day. As Ephesians 4:27 warns, holding on to anger overnight gives the devil a foothold in your life. Don't leave yourself or your marriage vulnerable.

6. Avoid Character Assessment
When you work on conflict resolution, it is okay to talk about circumstances and behavior. It is not okay, however, to attack your spouse's personality or character.

7. Remember That Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs
Be quick to forgive, quick to admit your own mistakes, and quick to move on from the conflict.

- Excerpt from “Money Talks and So Can We,” by Ron and Judy Blue, Zondervan Publishing House, Michigan, 1999